Those of you who know me are probably aware that I'm a staunch advocate for domestic abuse victims and survivors, and especially those who have been disbelieved by the "Christian" community. Some have even been wrongfully blamed for the terror they've suffered, as well as disciplined by their churches or even excommunicated and black-listed to prevent them from finding help and solace from another congregation.
Before I go any further, I will say that I am a Christ follower, a student of
the holy scriptures and a person of devout faith in God. I hesitate to call
myself a Christian of late because that proclamation, and it's meaning seems to
have become "relative," and therefore it's meaning is as diverse as
those individuals who proclaim it. Many have absolutely no idea what it means,
nor do they know what scripture says about what it means to follow Christ.
That being said, I want to be perfectly clear on where I stand on abuse (and by
abuse I mean when one person exerts power and control over another person with
intent harm physically or mentally). Abuse in one's own home, by someone they
love, is NEVER, EVER the fault of the victim. Nor is sexual abuse, sexual
assault, or rape the fault of the victim. These behaviors originate in the mind
of the perpetrator, and are then acted upon - by the perpetrator, willfully and
purposefully.
The so-called Christian school of thought has gone to great lengths to convince
victims, and the world, that perpetrators of violence of this kind are not to
be held accountable, and that most assuredly they must have been provoked into it by
their "loved" one. In my experience, when someone is hesitant to hold
another accountable, it almost always is due to being guilty of the same or
very similar actions in their own life.
Anyway, I was listening to a teaching on the radio this past Thursday by a
teacher I have followed for years. He was talking about King David in the Old
Testament during the time the king saw Bethsheba bathing on her rooftop. The
story is recounted in 2nd Samuel chapter 11 as follows: (King James Version).
11 And it came to pass, after the year was expired, at the time when kings go
forth to battle, that David sent Joab, and his servants with him, and all
Israel; and they destroyed the children of Ammon, and besieged Rabbah. But
David tarried still at Jerusalem.
2 And it came to pass in an eveningtide, that David arose from off his bed, and
walked upon the roof of the king's house: and from the roof he saw a woman
washing herself; and the woman was very beautiful to look upon.
3 And David sent and enquired after the woman. And one said, Is not this
Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam, the wife of Uriah the Hittite?
4 And David sent messengers, and took her; and she came in unto him, and he lay
with her; for she was purified from her uncleanness: and she returned unto her
house.
Here's the rub, this radio teacher stated that although King David sinned when
he committed adultery with Bathsheba, that she too was complicit in that she
was bathing on HER rooftop, HER own property, which was immodest of her to do.
Wow! That is akin to saying that if your attractive neighbor forgets to close
the curtains after dark while changing into her pajamas, it's okay to go and
take her to your bedroom and do as you like!
Verse 4 above, clearly states that the king "sent messengers, and TOOK
her. And if you think this was okay, keep reading about the continual mess in
the king's family due to the consequences of his terrible and shameful
behavior, (even though he was remorseful and cried out to God for forgiveness).
We all have made mistakes, at times even on purpose out of selfishness, or
rebellion, and those things have caused painful consequences at times that
we've had to endure. And those things caused pain and suffering to those we
hurt, offended or betrayed.
The right response is never to blame those we have hurt. The right responses
would be humility and self-examination so we can do better next time, and to
make amends, or at least attempt to. I say that because those whom we have hurt
are not obligated to forgive, or to continue in relationship with us. Remorse
is real and proven by our respecting their right to do what is best for them.
God bless.
~Deb
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